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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or dishonest, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone likes being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought filming a short video now and then would be fun for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their friendship?